Super Douche-ville

Let's just call a spade a spade and get on with it. A recent trip to the far end of the Valley finally brought me to the Blue Martini at Town Square. I'll admit, I was curious about the place -- it's marketed like crazy through billboards, print ads, and the never-ending radio commercials for Ladies' Night. Could it actually be awesome?

The answer is a definitive "no" -- the place is utterly douche-tastic. It's also far larger than I imagined, and the interior is very '80s -- the perfect venue for a hair-band revival show. Yes, cheesy. There are three sprawling inside rooms, each featuring a bar (and one with a stage, hence the imagined Poison/Nelson/Whitesnake show) but the night I was there, only one of the three was open. There's also a large patio, complete with a large, oval shaped bar and the heavy stench of desperation. The place is a super meat-market, basically the Kona Grill of the Southwest valley.

Just down the hallway from the Blue Martini, the Cadillac Ranch awaits. This bar is heavily cowboy themed, another sprawling space with several large bar areas, a stage and dance area for live music, and of course, a mechanical bull. Cadillac Ranch is basically the amped up bastard offspring of the Roadrunner and Dylan's. On the plus side, the evening happy hour meant $2.75 Blue Moons, which were good. If I had to kill time at one of these two establishments, it would be Cadillac Ranch. The cowboy theme may not be my cup of tea, but the place could be fun with the right group of people, and the overall attitude was a lot more laid-back and comfortable than at the Blue Martini.

Going to the South Side

To this drunkymonkey's way of thinking, the best thing the M Resort has going for it (aside from the gorgeous interior design) is the balcony seating adjacent to its Lobby Bar, which overlooks the pool, and farther out, the city of Las Vegas. It is well-worth the $8.50 for a specialty drink (about half of what you'll pay for the same drinks at a lot of places on the Strip) to kick back on the balcony and take in the views. The interior of the Lobby Bar also delivers. Sleek, inspired by the local landscape in earth tones and marble, it's a very inviting space.

But back to those $8.50 specialty drinks.

First up was the Honey & Ginger (top right), a mix of Jose Cuervo, ginger liqueur, fresh ginger, lemon juice, pure honey, mint leaves and ginger ale. It seemed equally feasible the mix would lead to either a refreshing, unique cocktail or a syrupy, bland cocktail. Happily, refreshment won out. The honey is used to rim the glass, giving the drink a touch of sweetness without sugar overkill. It also has a slight bite of ginger, which intensifies with each sip and plays well with the hint of honey and mint flavors in the drink.

At the bartender's suggestion I also tried the Seedless Watermelon (bottom right, Ketel One Citroen, fresh lemon juice, Midori and fresh watermelon juice) one of the Lobby Bar's most often ordered specialty drinks. The Seedless Watermelon smelled like a Jolly Rancher, and wasn't quite as refreshing as the Honey & Ginger, although the watermelon juice did taste fresh. On the whole, the drink was sweeter than anticipated, probably because of the underlying Midori, which was just a little too overpowering for the watermelon juice. A fine idea, but this drink doesn't quite live up to its potential.

Beyond the Lobby Bar, the M Resort offered a couple of notable, beverage-related treats. First, there are self-serve refreshment stands sprinkled about the casino offering complimentary soft drinks, water, coffee and tea. Why didn't someone think of this sooner? Second, the sports book bar touts a seriously good selection of beers, among them Ephemere, Duvel and Chimay. Someone at the M Resort deserves a pat on the back for that.

Tiki Heaven

All too often, the thing that's missing in Vegas bars is character. In the land of a thousand PT's Pubs, swanky hotel ultra-lounges and look-alike sports bars, a watering hole that pulls off a unique (and interesting, or just plain comfortable) identity of its own is a rarity. And this is what makes Frankie's Tiki Room such a treat. Located in the not-so-sexy downtown area of Charleston and MLK, Frankie's is a teeny-tiny place owned by the same people responsible for the Double Down Saloon, a bar that pretty much has nothing but character to boast about.

The outside of the place is innocuous enough, but upon entering Frankie's patrons will find themselves in a tiki wonderland. They also will find themselves temporarily blinded by the darkness if they venture in during daylight hours, as I did. (It's worth mentioning that once you've regained your sight and situated yourself at a table with frosty beverage in hand, it's pretty entertaining to watch others walk in and then fumble in the dark while waiting for their eyes to adjust. Just remember, that was you only a brief time ago.)

But back to the tiki wonderland -- Frankie's is indeed one small room, resplendent with little, wooden chairs and tables that appear to be carved from tree stumps, tiki statues, thatched roof, theme-appropriate surf guitar soundtrack, a vice tester carnival game and all manner of strange old beach party clips running on TVs over the bar. The room is comfortably kitsch-y, theme-y and fun without feeling like a Disneyland property.

The drink menu offers the standard Tiki fare (the Zombie, Mai Tai, Lapu Lapu, Pikake) and an assortment of original rum-based creations. I sampled the Malekula, a tasty mix of coconut rum, Tuaca, melon liqueur and pineapple juice, the Bearded Clam, basically a mojito with a splash of passion fruit, the Ninth Island, a mix of gold and silver rums, 151 proof rum and pineapple juice, and the Zombie, a tart, pleasing mix of rums and juices. The mixers used in each tasted fresh, an important detail for these types of drinks.

Between its happy, lived-in ambiance and its heaping spoonful of character, Frankie's Tiki Room is a place I want to frequent. I want to go back to Frankie's for drinks with my local friends, I want to take my out-of-town friends to Frankie's when they come to Vegas and want the local experience, and I can't wait to introduce Frankie's to my various friends who have moved away temporarily, but are on their way back home.

And isn't that the ultimate endorsement for a locals bar in Vegas?